In my house, we’re deep into the college selection process for my high school senior. My son is weighing his options, vetting programs, and, most importantly (to him), deciding on the best dorm choices. As usual, I’m ready to jump in with some good ol’ advice. Let me help you! It’s at this point that I fall into what my kids lovingly (and with a healthy dose of sarcasm) call my “HR Voice.” I easily switch into “Let me coach you through this” mode, and suddenly, I’m not just Mom; I’m their life coach—cue the eye rolls!
I may or may not have experienced this recently when I asked for what feels like the hundredth time if he’s made a decision. Not my most helpful moment, I know. I had to remind myself that sometimes he just wants to vent instead of hearing my clever solutions. Whether at work or at home, it’s a solid reminder that knowing when to listen is just as important as offering help!
So, how do we know when the best thing we can do is simply listen? Here are some signs that coaching might not be appreciated:
They’re in Vent Mode: Sometimes, people just want to be heard. It’s like when a friend is stressed about their family—you don’t dive into solutions; you just say, “I can’t believe that happened!” and give them the space to unload.
Body Language Says ‘No Thanks’: If their arms are crossed or they avoid eye contact, it’s a sign they’re not open to coaching. Instead, try asking open-ended questions.
Timing Is Key: If someone’s just come out of a stressful situation, give them time to decompress before jumping in with advice. (I learned this the hard way after peppering my son with questions right after a long college visit.)
Encourage Independence: People want to make their own decisions. Constantly coaching can feel like micromanagement. Be there for support, but let them take the lead.
Final Thoughts
As I navigate this college selection adventure, I’m realizing that my son might appreciate a bit of space to figure things out—along with some pizza and maybe a movie night instead of more advice! Coaching has its place, but sometimes the best thing we can do is just listen. Whether at work or home, knowing when to step back and simply be present is key—because sometimes, just being there is the best support you can offer.
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